"Soul Midwives are non-medical, holistic companions who guide and support the dying in order to facilitate a gentle and tranquil death."
And that, as I discovered on the day course I attended on Saturday, is just the beginning of the work carried out by Soul Midwives. It was a day of discovery and revelation, light and laughter, emotional challenge, and deep thoughtfulness. So much so, in fact, that I didn't know if I was going to be able to write about it. By the time the day ended, I felt both inspired and humbled, and also completely drained. There was a LOT to take on board and I knew I had to do something to distract my mind so that I could let the information sink in, in a subliminal sort of way. I watched a load of banal TV game shows that evening and wished they'd bring back The Generation Game, like in the old days, because at least that was entertaining.
Anyway, here I am today, still inspired and feeling like I am at the start of something big. Yet I am wary of taking on another course at the same time as the diploma I am starting in two weeks’ time. I received the admin paperwork for that last Friday and have been ever so good about dealing with it and returning it promptly, starting as I mean to go on. I have a lot of reading to do already, and soon I’ll have homework and assignments to manage. Much as I am raring to take on even more learning, I’m reining myself in, pacing myself and remembering it doesn’t all have to be done NOW!
The thing is, I have this need to be useful again, to do something that will be of service and benefit to others. It’s been two years since I was last in paid employment and all that time I’ve had this sense of feeling a bit useless and, to quote a terrible cliché, ‘on the scrap heap.’ Do I need to be needed. No. Do I need to have purpose in my life? Yes. I feel I’ve lost the person I used to be, but I am beginning to think that someone else is emerging who is quite, quite different.
Today, I spent considerable time engaging in a bit of organisational mind-mapping, trying to gather all the threads of information that’ve been whirling around my brain. Trying to make a bit of sense of what could be ahead. A satisfying and productive process.
What I need most of all is to tap into a source of bravery. And patience. And probably a right royal kick up the arse.
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KJ