Went to the library yesterday to stock up on novels. I haven’t been to the library in AGES, what with one thing and another. When we moved here, it took a while for me to steel myself to join the library, and I shall tell you why. It was because I couldn’t get over the notion that the books in the library may possibly have been read in people’s bathrooms on people’s toilets, and if there is one thing that the covid pandemic has taught me, it’s that other people’s hand washing habits leave much to be desired. ‘Wash my hands after using a toilet? Really? Is that a thing??’
Eurgh. And ‘yes, it bloody well IS a thing, did your parents teach you NOTHING as a child?’ And what’s with the need to take a book to the toilet in the first place? Surely it’s an ‘in, do the business, wash hands, out in a couple of minutes’ process, not an ‘in, read twenty pages of a novel, get piles, I might wash my hands, I might not, and out’ thing? Honestly, some people….
Anyway, I overcame my ‘people reading library books whilst on the toilet’ distaste by promising myself that I would neither lick library book covers nor lick my hands during or after reading a library book. And that I would wash my hands post-library book reading session. Does that sound a bit OCD? Well, I don’t care. It opened the door to me being able to read loads of novels without having to 1) buy them and 2) think about what to do with them once read as I rarely read a novel twice over. Too many books, too little time.
At our library, you can take out up to 10 books at a time. They are on loan for three weeks. I can get through two novels a week, so I took out 6. (See what a Maths O level does for you?) Here they are…
I began the Mel Giedroyc one last night (nothing worthy of my time on TV) and am already annoyed by the fact I consider myself to be a better writer than her and she only got published because she is already famous. Oh, cruel and fickle publishing world of 21st century…sigh…
However, I shall finish the book because it’s a breezy read, despite its (so far) formulaic form and style, and its predictable plot. I am open to being proved wrong by the time I reach the end. It’s a hefty tome, so has space to improve. (Gosh, I woke up in über-critical mode this morning…)
I took my book selection to the counter to have them stamped. The Librarian Lady behind the counter, whilst stamping away, commented on one of my selection - ‘Piranesi’ by Susannah Clarke. (Susannah Clarke wrote ‘Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell’ which I enjoyed very much. It’s a novel four times the size of ‘Piranesi’ - big enough to take down a burglar, if a novel is your weapon of choice when investigating strange noises in the middle of the night.)
Back to the librarian comment. She said, ‘I keep meaning to read that. I find the cover very appealing.’
‘Oh, I’m very drawn to a cover,’ said I. ‘In fact, often I won’t give a novel a second look if I don’t like the cover. It’s very judgemental of me, isn’t it?’
‘I’m the same,’ said the Librarian Lady. ‘Just won’t pick it up.’
‘Me neither,’ said I. ‘The cover has got to draw me in.’
Lord Malarkey appeared at this point with three books. He placed them on the counter.
‘That one, for example,’ said the Library Lady, pointing at one of Andy’s choices.
‘Ooooh, no,’ I agreed. ‘I wouldn’t give that a second look.’
‘It’s been highly recommended on the radio,’ said Andy.
‘Don’t care,’ said I. ‘It has a terrible cover.’
‘It really is,’ said the Librarian Lady.
We are joined at the counter by Librarian Lady Two.
‘We were just saying,’ said Librarian Lady One, ‘that the cover of that book,’ and she again points a finger at the offending article in Andy’s pile, ‘would put us off reading it.’
‘Oh yes!’ agreed Librarian Lady Two. ‘Me too!’
I felt a little glow inside. I thought, ‘Here is my tribe!’ I wondered about asking them if they were bothered about the toilet reading habits of their library members but decided this might somewhat taint the relationship, given it had got off to such a positive start.
‘It’s a very short novel,’ said Andy, in what I thought to be a most spurious way to defend a hideous cover.
Librarian Ladies One and Two, and I, all shrugged. Gosh, I thought. Think of the things my tribe could achieve with such solidarity and determination.
I came home thinking how nice it would be to have a librarian job in a small town library.
Comments
KJ