Stp Abbrev. Wrds.

It all began, I think, when Australians abbreviated ‘barbecue’ to ‘barbie.’ I remember hearing it in the embryonic days of  the Antipodean lunchtime soap opera ‘Neighbours’ so must have been 30 years ago or so. I remember thinking, ‘I had a Barbie as a child,’ because a Barbie was the equivalent to the Sindy doll. Mine had hair you could extend by giving her pony tail a sharp yank. It was high tech for a doll in the ‘70s. Anyway, Australians were all for ‘chuckin’ another prawn on the barbie,’ and from thence it all went downhill.

What are these?

Correct! They are roast potatoes. If you said ‘roasties’ you can leave now and never darken the door of Damson Cottage EVER again because, quite frankly, if you can’t be bothered to use the correct names to identify items, then I can’t be bothered to entertain your hideous abbreviations. They are not funny, trendy, or clever. Just get a grip, will you? You’re not an illiterate toddler. 

There was a minor celebrity type person on the radio the other day. I cannot remember her name although I did recognise her from children’s television back in the day. She’s publishing a children’s novel - heaven knows how she managed to seal THAT deal - and when asked the date of release by the radio interviewer, she said, ‘4th of Jan.’

Jan? Jan??? To which ‘Jan’ are we referring here? Jan Leeming? Jan Morris? I pondered awhile...actually, I didn’t. I yelled something at the radio similar to, ‘What’s wrong with January? Are you so lazy or trendy or down wiv da kids wot you’ve writ your novel for that you can’t say January??’ There might have been some language of the colour pale blue, too, I can’t remember, I was so caught up in the moment of outrage. 

Jan?? Pah! 

Why then? Why do people feel the urge to abbreviate perfectly good words? I still have trouble using the word ‘telly.’ I’m fine with the shortening of two words into a contraction e.g ‘shall not = shan’t, do not = don’t, could not = couldn’t because it’s a teacher thing, flashing around technical terms like ‘contractions.’ But taking a proper word in its correct form and trying to make it sound trendy by shortening it? No. Just stop it. 

One of the people I work with announced he was going to call me ‘Dee.’ I said, ‘No you’re not, thank you. My name is Denise. No one has EVER called me Dee.’ He has never tried to call me Dee since. My ex-in-laws  tried to call me Den. That didn’t last long either. It’s not like my name is long. Two syllables. Six letters. If I was called something like Aramintasia or Beelzebubbletonic I could understand the urge to try an abbreviation. But seriously - Denise? 

It took me years to get used to hearing my son being called Chris instead of Christopher. I think if ever anyone shortens my daughter’s name, Heather, to Hev, I might develop selective hearing. Oddly, my parents - Diana and Victor - were always Di and Vic. I guess a lot of it depends on what you are used to hearing. 

So, as we enter the festive season of Christmas - not Xmas, or Chrissie - let us make an effort to have roast potatoes, not roasties, please. 

Thank you kindly. I hope you are all keeping well?