On Christmas Day, His Lordship Malarkey presented me with the title deeds of Malarkey House. See, here they are...
And here is Malarkey House...
As you can see, a Georgian pile, four storeys and an impressive frontage. Mr Darcey will be along ANY moment now.
Having spent a couple of sleepless nights wondering where the heck to locate such a substantial property I arose this morning to supervise the moving around of Damson Cottage furniture in order to accommodate the new, er, accommodation. And then I set about emptying boxes and boxes of furniture and other exciting household items, and arranging them as best I could given I had no such practise of these things as a child. A new learning opportunity, if you will. After two hours, maybe three, this was the initial outcome. Because, as with all house moves, you just end up being happy to get all the boxes unpacked and items put in approximately the correct rooms, and the promise of a soup and toast lunch on the horizon.
There is more stuff still in boxes. Stuff like Christmas decorations, Halloween and Easter decorations, an extra bathroom suite, and a whole household of little people which are way too freaky for me to deal with at this moment in time. Malarkey House, it seems, has everything covered - seasons, celebrations and role playing opportunities. Let me take you on a tour. Please remember most of the room layouts were created with an edge of panic...
The kitchen...
Yes, all the drawers and cupboards open. Yes, the lids come off the saucepans. Yes, there are secret bottles of vin rouge in the vegetable rack. Yes, those pumpkins are pathetically tiny.
The vestibule...
Yes, all right. The globe is in the vestibule. I told you there were moments of panic. Note the parasols and shrimping net.
The pantry...or servants’ dining quarters....possibly....
Lots of food in this room.I feel it has a sunny aspect. Wellies by the back door. Table laid for a jolly supper. No chairs, though. But then I doubt servants had much of a chance to sit down. Not with all those stairs to negotiate. Thus ends the basement.
The sitting room...
I’m already feeling the bird in the cage is unethical. But I’m glad of the knitting and sewing materials. Tea and cake on the table, aspidistra in the corner, and a red telephone EXACTLY like the one back in 1970s Maidstone. What more could a lady of genteel refinement want?
The music room...
The little cases hold a cello and an electric guitar, neither of which I can play, but hey! Never say never. Ditto the trombone and French horn. I CAN play the flute though. There’s a violin and bow atop the grand piano, and an artist’s easel behind that. So, strictly speaking, a music and art salon.
The bedroom....
Another telephone. For room service, I expect. I especially like the rug. It is lush. The Ming vases are priceless but I shan’t sell them because they’ve been in the family for generations.
The bathroom...
It’s a room of magnificent proportions for a bathroom, but I thought an excellent place to exercise, too. I may install a shower at some point. And a sauna. Plenty of fluffy towels, though - sign of a good bathroom, I think, plenty of fluffy towels. I’m concerned about the lack of loo roll holder though.
The nursery...
This is the nursery of a very spoilt child, if you ask me. Look at all those toys! And I bet that Noah’s Ark cost a BOMB! Also, what would I want with a nursery? All my eggs have long since left the building. It was at this point in the Grand Unpacking of this morning that I began to formulate in my mind exactly how Malarkey House will take its future shape as befitting a lady of my quality and requirements. A nursery was NOT on the list...
The Nanny’s quarters...
A Nanny, for heaven’s sake! Really? That attic room is screaming out to be something spiritual and creative. But I might keep the rocking chair. And the natty straw hat. And the little wash bowl and ewer.
The gardens....
The property comes with a gazebo for the garden and some elegant garden furniture. It also comes with a variety of geese, ducks, dogs, guinea pigs, tortoises, rabbits and two of the crossest and most maniacal cats I’ve ever seen which I dare not show for fear of instilling the heebie jeebies within you. That would never do.
So, there we go. And here is the irony. My astrological prediction for December said I would be receiving the gift of a property! There was I wondering if I had any ancient and wealthy relatives I didn’t know about it who had a spare mansion to bequeath and I’ve just laughed out loud at the realisation of what that prediction meant in reality!
Welcome to Malarkey House!
Comments
What fun, and given your interest in embroidery and other needlecrafts I’m sure you will find some things you can make for it. Andy is good at presents, isn’t he.
KJ
To be fair, KJ, it wasn’t me moving furniture that caused the mangled foot - it was Andy dropping a bookcase on it. However, I did once become trapped beneath a small sofa I was moving downstairs on my own, so point taken!
Thanks, Aileen! I’ve already been perusing wallpapers and floor coverings. Some redecoration is in order first, before I tackle furniture and furnishings.
KJ