This morning, I took some food waste up to the compost bin and when I removed the lid, the most MAHOOSIVE hornet flew out at me. Hand on heart, it was the size of a cricket bat. I know European hornets (which is what it was) aren’t aggressive like wasps but goodness it made me jump. I think it was in there because I’ve been tipping the too squishy windfall plums in there to stop Nell the Poo hoovering them up and getting an upset tummy. I think that hornet was tipsy on fermented plum juice.
Fortunately, most of this year’s plums have been harvested. Not as many as last year BUT my goodness they are enormous. I believe there is a joke in there somewhere about 'massive plums' but I'm too much of a lady to repeat such smut. However, I've heard two very good and inoffensive jokes this week.
Joke Number One:
Q. Why is there a lion in my wardrobe?
A. Narnia business!
And joke Number Two:
A man walks into the kitchen to find his flat-mate eating egg and soldiers. 'I didn't know you had dandruff,' he says.
I think you might have to be British to understand joke Number Two but I suppose it depends on how widespread the Head and Shoulders shampoo adverts are.
Anyway, 35lbs of plums are now in the freezer which is enough for a crumble pudding a week until next May. I shan't make any jam this year as we are still wading through the stupid amount I made last year and I can't be doing with jam overload in the cupboards, not with Winter coming up and bringing with it my usual urge to stockpile flour, beans and toilet rolls. The few remaining plums will be picked for general eating in the next couple of weeks or so. The Autumn raspberries are just coming in and will give us a nice supply for about a month.
The swallows have left for their Summer holidays, sensible creatures. They went on the last day of August, but I left the laundry open for the last week just in case they came back - you know, they might have forgotten something like sunglasses or flip flops. But they have gone and already I am looking forward to their return next Spring. Nine babies this year. Very satisfying. We are going to try and remove their second nest from the top of the carpet roll and attach it via some ingenious shelf arrangement to the back wall of the laundry. The carpet roll remnant and accumulated bird poo will go to the tip.
I had a phone call from the hospital yesterday. Would I be able to come in next Monday morning for my biopsy? Yes I absolutely would! So glad to have an appointment at last.
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