Not All Black and White

 

Lord Malarkey and I have decided to turn the bathroom into a shower room. Well, mostly me deciding, because I am generally the driving force behind these things, but Lord M agrees that sorting the bathroom out is a good idea. 

Some of you may remember that the bathroom was the first bit of renovation work we did when we moved here over eight years ago on account of the almost immediate and sudden appearance of a soggy hole in the bathroom floor. However, we only did half the room properly because of budget constraints on account of us a) having just moved house and b) only one of us having a job, and a part-time one at that. Now, though, we are in the happy position of being able to get the room done properly and in full. 

I found a plumber. He is very efficient and organised and inspires confidence, which I like. He instructed us to go to a plumbing centre in Nantwich - ‘none of that D.I.Y shop rubbish.’ And today, off we trotted to explore the World of Posh Bathroom. 

I had in my mind that the new shower room would be black and white. No faffing with trying to colour co-ordinate stuff. The cabinets would be simple, shiny, slimline and white. The walls would be Aquaboard. No tiles. The loo would sit flush (pardon the pun) with the wall with no gaps behind to accumulate dust, cat fur, spiders and other mystery debris. The loo cistern would be low level, doing away with the overhead cistern that we currently have which, although very suited to a mid-Victorian cottage has been a nuisance for various reasons. We’d have a BIG walk in shower covering the width of the room. Yup, I had it all planned in my mind. Very simple. Very easy. Very neat and functional.

Ha! 

And then we went into the showroom and we met Paul the Planner who kept asking me questions about all sorts of bathroom things that I didn’t even know existed, let alone could make a decision about. We wandered around the showroom being sucked into all different colours and finishes and styles and fittings. My brain started to addle - I could feel it happening, like having egg scrambled in my head. I mean, it wasn’t unpleasant addling because shopping for a new shower room in a posh showroom is exciting. It was a ‘too many lovely choices’ addling. I also began to realise that what I could REALLY do with is a bathroom about four times the size of the one we actually have. But that would entail moving house and that is NOT going to happen. 

Back to reality. Over the next two hours Patient Paul the Planner talked us through our options. And he came up with a starter plan. We were pleasantly surprised at the cost so we might upgrade a couple of things. He loaded us up with brochures heavy enough to concuss a burglar and said he would email some plans. ‘And then you can tell me what changes you want to make, and we’ll go on from there,’ he said.

Once home, I ordered some surface samples from a couple of the brochures for colour purposes because despite my determination to go ‘black and white’ I’ve been rather taken by a soft green. Or possibly a strong blue. Or maybe a gentle cashmere. I was also seduced by an Aquaboard called ‘Snow Blizzard’ which is white and sparkly and which appealed enormously to my love of all things shiny and glittery. The World of Posh Bathroom has unleashed a design diva. Oh dear…

(It’s all very thrilling though!)