I am confused as to why you have scheduled four and a half hours (270 minutes) to the coverage of today’s FA Cup Final between one team and another team, I don’t know which and, quite frankly, I have FA interest.
It is my understanding that a football match lasts for 90 minutes. I appreciate there needs to be a break of 15 minutes half way through for eating orange segments, having a swig of Lucozade and making a quick visit to the tinkle shop (although, to be honest, if healthy young men can’t hold their urine for a couple of hours, they probably need to seek medical advice.) I also understand it takes, oh, around 15 minutes(?) tops to settle the audience nicely in their seats. This takes the event timings to two hours (120 minutes).
Already, I can hear you revving up to inform me about the need to factor in ‘extra’ time in case the match ends in a ‘draw.’ (I can use technical terms - I’m not a complete ignoramus). However, here’s an idea to decide a winner in case of a tied event - toss a coin. It would a) save a lot of time and b) be a darn sight more interesting than watching more football. Either that or make the teams share the cup - one team can keep it for six months, then hand it over to the other team for the next six months. Share and share alike, which I am sure will appeal to your sense of equality and fairness. Yes?
‘What about injury time?’ I hear you whine. What about clearing the injured off the pitch quickly and letting the game continue without stoppage as another time saving technique? If the brave souls who work for the Highways and Motorways Authority can set out a line of traffic cones to close off a slip road with traffic thundering around them at close quarters, I am sure a few footballers can dodge a stretcher with great ease.
I shan’t mention the apparent need to discuss at great length every micro-detail of every minute of the match and the events leading up to it because such discussions are wasteful and, what an English teacher like myself would call ‘unnecessary waffle.’
The point I am making is that it seems you have overshot your scheduling estimations by two and a half hours (150 minutes) which could be better filled by a jolly nice film and perhaps an episode or two of ‘The Wombles.’ I especially like the one where Tomsk has trouble climbing into a hammock, just in case this BBC licence fee payer has any say in such matters.
Looking forward to your response.
Disgruntled from Shropshire
P.S Do not have the audacity to mention the justification of the obscene salary you pay that football pundit and wannabe politician Gary Lineker. I’m already a woman on the edge.
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KJ