Soft and Scented Honey Unicorn’s Bottom!

I enjoyed a pleasant hour or two mooching around a Makers’ Market yesterday. The one I went to is pretty good as far as this type of artisan malarkey goes although probably half the stalls are foodie ones - bread, pies, pastries, cakes etc - and I don’t buy from them because a) I bake and cook these things perfectly well myself and b) I bake and cook them for probably less than half the price. I watched someone pay £20 for a bog standard sponge-type cake yesterday and thought, ‘Sheesh - £20? Really??’ Ah well - takes all sorts, as the saying goes. Fools and their money etc etc.

I did make one foodie purchase though and that was because the stall holder was putting all his energies into a marvellous sale pitch and I thought it needed rewarding with a sale. The product was a ‘soft granola’ - the only one available in the WHOLE country, apparently. The chap was holding out little sample test pots and shouting, ‘It’s no good just looking at it! You’ve got to try it to taste how good it is! How will you KNOW without TRYING it??’

Fair point, thought I, so I presented myself at his stall and duly accepted a proffered pot. It was very good granola, sort of a deconstructed flapjack still soft from the oven.

‘Why soft granola?’ said I. ‘Why not crunchy?’

‘My dad has sensitive teeth,’ said the stall holder. ‘I developed it for him. He loves it!’

I bet he doesn’t have much choice, thought I. But what a thoughtful son?! The stall holder enthused some more about his product and his sales techniques. ‘I don’t mind making an idiot of myself,’ he said. ‘But you need to tell people about your product, don’t you?’

I agreed that yes, you certainly do, and that I was put off some stalls by the owners who sat behind them, hunched on a chair, scrolling through their phones and being wholly disengaged from their potential buyers.

‘Exactly!’ said our man. ‘You’ve got to put on a PERFORMANCE!! This stuff sells out everywhere we go!!!!!’ (I don’t think I can add enough exclamation marks to convey his enthusiasm and energy.)

The lady that was with him (I don’t know if she was his partner but she had the look of a patient and long-suffering wife about her) leaned forward and said, ‘He is very passionate about his granola,’ which is a sentence you don’t hear very often. Anyway, I bought a packet:

…and was very pleased to see its ingredients were few - no UPF nasties here - and that I could probably make it myself at home. For half the price.

Next, I had a lovely chat with a young man who was selling candles. There were quite a few candle stalls, but this was the best. It looked understated but classy and the chap was engaging and we had an amiable chat about different scents. I bought this:

…and left it standing on the kitchen counter overnight. This morning, the kitchen smells like a Mediterranean lemon harvest which is better than the rest of the downstairs which smells faintly of ‘Eau de Damp Chien Nell.’ I’ve visited the website and shall buy more candles from this chap because they have lovely scents and are eco-friendly. The Rhubarb and Rose one was especially good, too.

Next, I had a chat with a bee-keeper who, it turned out, lives in our local town. We chatted about bees, and swarming and the fact that bees don’t read bee keeping books and will do what they jolly well like. I tested the samples on offer and two jars were purchased for £10.

I was filled with self-loathing when I realised that the last jar of honey I purchased from a supermarket (a stupid error) was manufactured in effing China of all places! Probably not even honey at all - just some sort of granulated sugar shite that was nothing to do with bees at all. I was so cross with myself and vowed to buy local, English honey from there on. Definitely need to get back into beekeeping myself.

And finally, I left the Makers’Market area and went into the shopping village area to visit Moshulu, which is the only place I buy shoes now because they’re very good for people with broad feet like me. I was in need of some lightweight slippers that were still warm enough for my poor, frozen toeses, but not so warm that they over-cook my feet now the weather is slowly warming up. (My sheepskin Winter slippers are a tad too warm now, but it’s still a tad too cold to go bare foot on the kitchen floor tiles.)

Here, then, is my frivolous ‘Welcome to Springtime’ purchase…