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Fashion Matters

 Do you ever wear a jegging? A jegging is a cross between a jean and a legging. Jegging. See what they did there? I had a couple of pairs of jeggings, because I was seduced into buying them in a sale. They’re all very well as an item of snug clothing when you pull them on in the mornings, but they’re a different war against fashion when you’re trying to take them off at night after a long and wearisome day and you find you can’t get your foot to fit back up the leg without one hell of a (sometimes tearful) struggle. 

The thing is, as you grow older in years and wisdom, you find you cannot be bothered with certain items of fashion. For example, I gave up wearing any sort of shoe or boot with a heel over two inches high about 5 years ago now. And two inches is a challenge, to be honest. And pants? What I want is a pair of full ‘n’ comfy plain cotton knickers, not some little scanty bit of synthetic fabric nothing that rides up where the sun doesn’t shine and chafes where the sun does. The function of a pant is to keep everything from navel to thigh contained, secure and as smooth as possible. Not to act as a piece of abstract artwork.

Currently, I am having trouble finding a nice woollen jumper, either boat or v-neck, that covers my bum and doesn’t cling remorselessly to my post-menopausal rib-padding. There are plenty of cowl necks and turtle necks and polo necks to be had but when one is a lady of ample bosomage, these neck lines are a no-no unless you want to project the matronly bolstered look. 

Also, what’s with all the shirts and tunics with the roll up sleeves that are held in place by a button and strap contraption just below the elbows? These things: 

Either you want a long sleeve shirt, or a short sleeve shirt. Surely? I’ve had a couple of these shirts-that-can’t-make-up-their-minds and what I’ve ended up doing is cutting off the button and the strap and wearing them either long-sleeved OR cutting off the bottom of the sleeve and wearing them as a short sleeve. Depending on style, colour, season etc etc, you get my gist. I can’t be doing with the half way look. They’re a sod to iron and they never fold up again properly. And they add unnecessary bulk to the upper arm/elbow area. Just no. 

Don’t get me started on bras.

And what brought on this fashion rant, I hear you ask? I’ll tell you - the news websites have been littered with photos of celebrities sitting in the front rows of all the designer fashion shows that are happening at the moment and I have to say, in my opinion, they mostly look ridiculous. (Of course, maybe I am just jealous of their tall, willowy, would-look-good-in-a-bin-bag figures, and the fact they can afford to pay in excess of £700 for a skirt that looks more like a belt. Who knows?)

Follower of fashion I ain’t. Give me comfy, colourful, natural fabrics any day. If ever I am chased by a bear, I want a good chance of being able to get away! 


Comments

Anonymous said…
How many bears are there in Shropshire?
(Mrs Duck)
5 October 2023 at 21:00
Denise said…
At least three. And one of them has a surprising turn of speed…
6 October 2023 at 09:09
Anonymous said…
Hahaha, my thought exactly, Mrs Duck!
KJ
7 October 2023 at 15:06
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