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PlusNot

 


27th July : Heather and Ollie move to Shropshire to start a new life. Hurrah! Plusnet, their internet provider, puts their contract line ‘on hold’ for a few weeks until it is needed in their new home. They do this by re-routing it to Damson Cottage by some form of woo-woo hocus pouch magic that doesn’t interfere with the incumbent Damson Cottage internet connection courtesy of BT.

16th August : Heather and Ollie are successful in bid for their new house. Hurrah! Call is made to Plusnet requesting internet service is re-routed for moving day of 20th August. Minor irritation occurs as Plusnet attempt to adjust terms of contract but it is agreed that connection will be rerouted. But then it can’t. An engineer appointment is needed as new house is currently connected to Virgin and so ‘stuff’ needs to be done before Plusnet can be connected. This will take between 4-6 weeks. Because of shortage of appropriate engineers and various covid/ Brexit/ new government/ wars/ mad Russian president related ‘back log’ issues. Boooooo! Hiss!!

20th August : Heather and Ollie move into their new home. Hurrah!! All other utility companies have their acts together, so no gaps in services. Apart from Plusnet.

A few days later: appointment received from Plusnet for 19th September. More than four weeks away. Phone calls made regarding urgency of situation - can’t it be done sooner? If not, can contract be cancelled so alternative and quicker supplier can be called in i.e Virgin, because its line is already at the property? Yes, contract CAN be cancelled - for £250. What??? For cancelling a contract that’s already on hold???? Yes, Madam. But we can add some compensation to your account. Oh, well that’s okay then. Not.

8th September : death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth.

19th September : Heather and Ollie’s internet connection day! Also, the Queen’s funeral day. And a Bank Holiday. But no communication from Plusnet to say they AREN’T keeping appointment, so fingers crossed, eh?

20th September : Heather calls Plusnet AGAIN. Is informed that, because appointment did not happen yesterday (Bank Holiday - all engineers grieving the Queen) their appointment has been put to the back of the queue and would happen in about 3 weeks’ time. Aaaaaarghhhhhhh…..is what I believe Heather said in response. She puts on her best no-nonsense teacher voice. She says being without home internet is costing them extra on their mobile data. It is very inconvenient as they have both started new jobs which require them to have internet access. She wants to cancel the contract NOW and Plusnet can swivel for their £250 cancellation fee. Plusnet back down immediately, cancel contract with no penalty. Heather disappointed they didn’t put up more of a fight because she was properly up for one at this point. Her mother’s daughter. 

24th September : Lord and Lady Malarkey attend Heather and Ollie’s for Strictly Come Dancing dinner party. ‘Oooh, guess what, Mum?’ says Heather. ‘We have internet and a landline phone!’ Good old Virgin were out within a day of being called, reconnecting the service, no probs. Cheaper contract, too. Hurrah!!

4th October: Open Reach engineer arrives at Damson Cottage to connect a phone and internet service on behalf of Plusnet for Heather and Ollie…who don’t live here anymore…

Honestly, you couldn’t make it up.

(What larks, eh? On the plus side, he was a nice engineer who rolled his eyes sympathetically as I relayed the Saga of Plusnet to him. He was also admiring of Bambino. ‘What’s his name?’ he said. ‘Bambino Bobble Wilson,’ said I. ‘Aaah…’ said the engineer. ‘Shalom!’)




Comments

Anonymous said…
And that would be why the engineers can't get to Heather and Ollie's internet connection because they are being scheduled to set up imaginary connections? Why, just why!? Why is it so difficult to get anything done... don't answer or answer on a post card, please.
KJ
4 October 2022 at 23:20
Denise said…
It’s laughable, KJ. In a world that is supposedly so hot on telecommunications, too. It staggers me how some companies can go on delivering such poor service and remain in business. Never mind, eh? Come the zombie apocalypse, the Internet will be useless anyway!
5 October 2022 at 07:47
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