D is For…

 

I’ve worked out what it is I don’t like about being called ‘Denise.’ It’s because it sounds too much like ‘disease.’ In secondary school, I remember (now I’ve trawled through the memories) that some vile girls of little brain and no kindness used to call me that. I have no idea why because at school I used to keep myself to myself. I did nothing to deserve their bullying other than being near the top of the class whilst they skulked at the bottom. I can even remember their names - Julie Holland and Elizabeth Woods-Scawen. Nasty pieces of work.

‘Denise’ is the feminine form of ‘Denis/Dennis.’ I don’t like the patriarchal twist to that, being the feminine form of something masculine. The meaning assigned to the name is ‘devoted to Bacchus’ who is the Roman god of wine, the equivalent of the Greek god Dionysus. Couldn’t be more inappropriate, given I don’t drink alcohol, and on the occasion I did try a sip of wine it tasted like vinegar, and if I’m going to have vinegar I might as well have some chips underneath it and make the occasion worthwhile. 

Some people pronounce ‘Denise’ as ‘Deniece’ with an ‘ssss’ sound rather than a ‘zzzz’. That just sounds like the female version of ‘Denephew.’ You know, as in the joke:

‘A woman gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. She asked her brother to go and register names for them. When he returned she said, ‘What have you called them?’ 

‘I’ve called the girl Denise,’ said the woman’s brother.

‘And the boy?’ said the woman.

‘Denephew.’

I’ve been at my current place of work for 2 years and 5 months. My line manager still manages to call me by a colleague’s name. The last time she did it, and laughed it off as she always does, I said, ‘I would appreciate you remembering my name, please.’ But I’ve had this in the past - work people calling me by someone else’s name. This leads me to think Denise is a wholly bland and unmemorable name. It reached peak popularity in the late ‘50s/ early 60s. 

About 4 years ago I applied for a loyalty card for Pets At Home, because there were discounts to be had on cat litter, cat food, bird food etc etc. Whoever processed the form I filled in didn’t bother to check the interference of Autocheck. And my loyalty card came with my name on it as ‘Mrs Dismiss Hunt.’ I never used it after that. 

I’ve wanted to change my name for a long time. I’ve never liked it. But somehow it feels disrespectful to my parents to do so. I’ll be 57 soon. Is that too late to change a name one has lived with for so long? And what would I change it to? Am I being overly sensitive to what, after all, is only a sound that someone is known by? In a world where younger generations have the freedom and support to identify themselves however they feel like, I know I should be able to do the same. But I’m not from those generations. It doesn’t feel that simple to me. 

These are the thoughts that woke me at 4.30 this morning.