Why is it that these days the act of kindness seems to come with a caveat? That so many people profess to be championing the mantra ‘Be kind’ yet their kindness is only forthcoming if the potential recipient of that kindness meets the criteria set by the giver?
Whilst not being the slave to news that once I was, I still skim through a selection of newspapers, magazines and websites, and I read columns written by various journalists, politicians, celebrities and social commentators. And one week they will be spouting the ‘Be Kind’ mantra, and the next they will be sticking the knife into certain sections of society they have decided are behaving wrongly. Oh, be kind, they say. Unless that section of society is not deserving of kindness.
Kindness cannot be served up with caveats. How can it be? Surely, in doing so, you negate the unconditional love, acceptance and compassion that are the component parts of kindness? How can you say, ‘Of course I’ll be kind - provided you do this/ that/ the other and agree with my moral and ethical beliefs which are clearly better than yours?’
To fix caveats to expressions of kindness surely equates to bullying? To intimidation, guilt-tripping, oppression, to pressure to conform to what is currently popular? It’s like being back in the school playground, to the childish taunts of ‘I’ll be your friend if you do what I want.’
This is a problem. The person who pleads their kindness towards, for example, someone who has been struggling with their mental health, yet in the next breath spits bile at someone who has, for example, chosen to decline the covid vaccination, is an adult. They are not a child in the playground. And they cannot spout the rallying cry of ‘Be kind’ if they cannot, or will not, extend that kindness to everyone, regardless of belief and difference. Full stop. That’s not being kind. That’s being a hypocrite.
I have declined vaccination. According to politicians, journalists, social media, celebrities, the ordinary person in the street I am: selfish, stupid, an idiot, thoughtless, careless, responsible for the continuing restrictions on our lives, a potential disease spreader and murderer of old grannies. I am civilly irresponsible, unpatriotic, a victim of anti-vaccination propaganda and a fool taken in by spreaders of mumbo-jumbo conspiracy theories.
All poor assumptions and unfair accusations. No one walks in my shoes except me.
However, what I do try to do is be kind all the time, in thought, word and deed. I don’t profess to be 100% successful at this, but I’m working on it and getting better. And what I don’t do is try to bully and intimidate other people into my way of thinking because I think I am right and they are wrong. I try not to use language that hurts and upsets, because, to my shame, I have been guilty of that in the past and I don’t want to be like that again.
I’m not sure if kindness and truth can sit happily side by side. Truth can hurt. Kindness cannot. People are defending what they see as their truth about what’s been happening in the world the last two years. And this is fine as long as that implied and personal truth is not imposed on other people. Truth can be unsettlingly subjective. I think kindness is far less complicated. You are either kind. Or not. Kindness translates into transparent and beneficial outcomes.
I feel sad writing this post. It probably benefits me more than anyone else, really, because the words have been swimming around in my head for a long time, and have been compounded this last week or so by ‘experts’ spouting their beliefs and opinions even more vociferously around me. I’ve stayed quiet, because it is how I cope best with feeling bullied by fellow humans. That’s why I mostly stay away from the news and media.
It’s self-preservation.
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