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Oh, to be in England, now that Swallow is here...

This morning, I’ve had a go creating some English Language GCSE exam questions. What do you think? 

1) When so much poverty and inequality exists in the World today, it is/is not a good idea to spend billions  of money (insert currency of choice) on space travel to Mars to fly a helicopter for 39 seconds because...?

2) The majority of sensible people do not give a shiny shite about football. Therefore, explain (using as few words as possible) why you care/ do not care about so much news time being taken up with a vacuous hoo-ha commentary about the formation of a new ‘super league.’ You should include the phrases ‘grow up and get a life’ and ‘toddler tantrum’ in your response. 

3) Write a cheerful dialogue which conveys positivity and hope for the future. There should be at least two characters in your script - one called Christopher Notwitty and one called Patricky Frilly Bed Valance. 

And now onto the more important issues of the day/life/Universe - namely that the First Swallow of Summer has arrived chez Damson Cottage! 


You can just see a little Dot That Is Swallow on the top wire there. Over the last five days I have witnessed three swallow sightings in various locations within a 5 mile radius of our home. Now, this could have been either three different swallows or the same swallow three times. I don’t know. Swallows aren’t famed for their individual distinguishing features like different coloured bow ties, for example. 

Anyway, in the photo, the chimney to the left is our boiler stack (I don’t know the correct word - no doubt my brother will inform me of the technical term) emerging from the laundry room roof. The thick wire connects electricity from the cottage to the laundry room. It is also providing tightrope balance support for the wisteria. The oppressive conifer belongs to next door. I surreptitiously lop bits off it when the neighbours aren’t looking, not that they would complain because they’re always saying it’s got too big but they are pensioners and lumberjacking isn’t a recommended sport for the over 70s. It is also home to several nesting birdies so I shall forgive its presence for another year.

And the two wires upon which the First Swallow of Summer is perched are telegraph wires. I like to think the Swallow is tapping its little feet and sending telegraph messages back to its family saying, ‘Holiday home successfully breached. Nest still in situ - weather warm during day but overnight frosts prevail. Give it another week before joining me. Laundry floor clean and ready for despoiling with poop.’

I left the laundry room door open all yesterday evening and watched to see if Swallow would enter therein. He spent time on the telegraph wires and our TV aerial. Lots of glorious singing and much preening of feathers there was, but no further approach. Andy shut the laundry door about 9.30 p.m.

This morning, I opened the laundry door at 6.30 a.m. 

The Swallow flew out! He had clearly snuck in the night before whilst the door was still open! Either that or he has magical ‘flying through solid walls’ powers...

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