Tomorrow

 The promise of tomorrow will never vanish away the problems of today. I think we depend too much on that idea - I know I do. Sometimes I have this crazy notion that whatever irks me today will somehow, magically and without any effort on my part, vanish overnight and not irk me with such great intent tomorrow. Cue myriad moments of disappointment. Because, I have learned, it’s not tomorrow that has the cure. For a start, tomorrow never arrives, does it? We can only live in today. 

No, the cure (if that’s what you want to call it) lies within ourselves, and our lone journey through the life that is gifted us, learning how best to deal with the irksome, how to manage it using the capabilities within us. Sometimes, we surprise ourselves and manage it quite well. And ‘pouff!’ The irk is gone! Sometimes, we make a right pig’s ear of it and the irk lingers like some dead thing stuck in a drain, growing stinkier by the day until we remember we have a set of drain rods in the shed and although it might be a mucky job, the satisfaction that comes with shifting a stinky blockage (I hope you’re not eating whilst reading this!) is comparable to the most wonderful of moments.

The drain rods have come out a few times this year (metaphorically, not physically. Actually, they did come out physically, but only once. Oh, the joys of septic tank ownership....sigh....) to deal with a few irks. But, on reflection and despite circumstances well beyond my control, this year hasn’t been a massive personal disaster. 

2020, for me, shall be remembered as the year I lost over two stones in weight and started properly listening to my health needs. It is the year I started a new job, a job that I love and that has connected me with some quite marvellous people, my Shropshire Family as I call them. The Damson Cottage garden developed in leaps and bounds with the arrival and Andy-installation of a lovely greenhouse and raised beds. And the growing of some quite decent fruit and vegetables. Last week, the planned rose bed received its first four inhabitants - four climbers: two pink, two white. 

I’ve sewn more, I’ve read more, I’ve written more. I’ve done a few online courses focused around ecology, science, music and history. I’ve learned, through necessity, to cope with a couple of personal fears. I still have those fears, but I have adapted ways of dealing with them so they are lesser monsters in my head. I’ve reconnected with some people, said goodbye to others - and it has been okay. I’ve become even more proud of the way my son and his partner, and my daughter and her partner, have tackled this year head on with courage and without complaint, growing stronger in their lives because of their hard work, determination and innovation. 

Most of all, I think, for me, 2020 has been a wake up call to my Self. Like a river, I am learning to go with the flow. 

And whilst 2021 will be arriving with more of the same because a stroke of midnight does not banish the irks, I feel happier, stronger and more able to cope with whatever arrives. I shall have the drain rods on hand, of course. And cake. Just in case.

Truly, we can only live today. We can only deal with the here and now. And when you look at it like that, living life becomes more certain, more manageable, more joyful! Yes? 

No plans for the future then. Just living day to day. Today the sun is shining. Clear, cold, bright cornflower skies. Fields glazed with frost. A gang of long tailed tits arriving for the first time at the feeding station! A new rug ordered for the living room. Galloping my way through Lady Anne Glenconner’s autobiography - a gripping read, both thrilling and heart-wrenching. Flapjacks cooling on a rack in the kitchen. A ‘Mischief Theatre’ live streamed performance booked for this evening. The arrival of a couple of books to add to my reading pile - another Stella Gibbons for my collection and a pretty little 2021 Almanac. All is calm. All is bright.

Thank you for reading this year, for sticking with me, enjoying a laugh and pondering the madness of this thing we call life. You’ve been great!