Crackers!

 What do we think about the aesthetics of knitted crackers? Like these, whose pattern can be found in the December issue of ‘Landscape’ magazine...

Firstly, they are recyclable. That’s a good thing, surely? None of that paper waste malarkey. Once a knitted cracker, then a knitted cracker for generations to come! My granddaughters could pass them on to their granddaughters as a quirky treasured heirloom, along with the weary advice that they are not to be destroyed because ‘Granny Denise will know and come back to haunt you.’ 

And you can fill them with a suitable gift of your choice, so none of that plastic tat waste, either. My gift of choice would be some sort of posh chocolate because it doesn’t clutter up the house afterwards - well not this house anyway. 

But knitted crackers don’t ‘crack!’ They make whatever noise wool makes, which in my experience is on the subdued side. Is that a deal breaker? I’m quite happy to do a Margo Leadbetter, you know, from the Christmas episode of ‘The Good Life’ when she and Jerry find their Christmas cancelled because it couldn’t be delivered as a result of a fracas involving a tree that was slightly the wrong size. So they go to Tom and Barbara, who have created crackers from newspapers, but you had to supply your own sound effects. I could do that. Shout ‘Crack!’ in my best Home Counties accent.

Of course, if I make these crackers, which is likely because they’ve appeared on my November to-do list, I shan’t be using grey wool. I don’t care if it is grey pretending to be festive silver, it won’t happen. I shall stick to traditional red and green. No grey shall deck the merry halls of Damson Cottage THIS Christmas, that’s for sure. 

Having said that, another ‘to do’ on my list is ‘Christmas Bunting’. I actually cut this out two years ago, then put it in one of my sewing boxes and promptly forgot about it. But I found it again last week, when I was rootling through aforesaid box for some embroidery thread. 

‘Aha!’ said I. ‘Another U.F.O! I shall finish you, young fella-me-bunting, before the year is out.’ 

(U.F.O for those of you who are non-crafters, stands for Un Finished Object. Those of you who DO craft will be nodding in sage understanding.)

However, the bunting is of the Scandi-style: red, white, and grey pretending to be silver. It’s got jolly reindeer and perky trees all over it, and snowflakes. But there is definite evidence of grey. However, bunting, by its nature, will hang above my eye level, so I shan’t let myself be too irked by it. It’s on the List - it shall be done. 

Also on my list is to make lavender bags from this year’s lavender harvest. It’s all dried now, and very potent. I almost fell into a coma when I was stripping the flowers from their stalks. I also need to compete the first draft of the Much Malarkey Manor Christmas Extravaganza Story 2020. It’s going very well so far - I’m a week in - especially following an inspired comment from Andy when he sat and listened to me reading the first three days. He said, ‘It reminds me of.................’ and I said, ‘Oooooh yes! That’s a good idea.’ And basically, it’s going down the traditional Christmas Victorian ghost story route, I shan’t say any more, but it’s NOT ‘A Christmas Carol’ because that would be predictable and besides, I’ve done it already.

Having completed my Christmas shopping, I have earmarked a morning to do the wrapping, cat interference notwithstanding, and another morning to make my medieval Christmas pudding, which will happen on 22nd November - Stir Up Sunday. 

And then I aim to complete my Stumpwork Module 3. I’ve got the hang of the freaky hand making now, and have also produced a hat small enough to fit a mouse. I’ve got to make a head next which I’m not wholly looking forward to as it will involve embroidering facial features. It’s not that I can’t do it - it’s a psychological thing involving the connection between eyes and needles. A bit like the film ‘Coraline’. Have you seen it? Where Coraline’s pseudo-mother attempts to replace her real eyes with buttons. Eurghhh. It’s a children’s film, too. Directed by Tim Burton, he of ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ and ‘The Corpse Bride’ fame. I taught ‘Coraline’ as a scheme of work to Year 8 once. They always squirmed and made sicky noises at the buttons for eyes moment, so it isn’t just me who is squeamish.

Masses to do then, come next Sunday and 1st November lands with a crash on the beleaguered doormat of 2020. This week I am going to complete my moss stitch jacket. Just the top of a sleeve to do, then the usual faff of knitting up and around the neck, which is always a laugh one has to steel oneself for. Then sew up the seams, add some jazzy glittery buttons and there’s  another handcrafted item of knitwear to add to the collection. That’s four this year! I really don’t know what’s come over me. 

I’m also in the mind to add some lovely velvet ribbon to the bottom edge. I think it would add an air of understated glamour to the piece. And you know me - I’m all about understated glamour. 

Talking of which - my birthday present to myself arrive yesterday. It’s the first time I’ve bought a birthday present for myself. But it is something I’ve always wanted and now I’ve lost all this weight I think I can get away with wearing one. I am now the proud owner of...

...a knee length tutu skirt! Which looks FABULOUS with my woolly tights and biker boots! 

(Yes, I probably am having a mid-life crisis. And I don’t care!)