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Snazzy Mister, Radio Blah Blah and Chubby Woodpeckers

Despite the insistence of the BBC, I, personally, am not thrilled by the return of football to their menu of televisual delights. ‘Everyone is thrilled that football is back!’ trills Zoe Ball, getting all ‘emotional’ on her breakfast show and continuing to ask five questions where one will do. ‘No, we are NOT!’ says I. I’ve re-tuned the kitchen radio to Radio Shropshire. The woman has been grating on me for a while, and I’m not talking half a pound of an extra mature Cheddar, either. I return my loyalty to Radio 2 once Ken Bruce arrives at 9.30. He plays tunes and chitty-chats in convivial and moderate tones. As a light entertainment radio presenter should. No politics, no religion, no personal opinions and, most importantly, allowing his guests to get a word in edgeways. Sometimes I continue listening onwards at midday to Jeremy Vine. It depends on how much I want to be thrilled by his gob-smacking stupidity. Sometimes, I just can’t be bothered. Sometimes, the effort I have to put into sighing and eye rolling at his banality and crassness can be quite exhausting.

Actually, I’ve been testing out other radio stations and programmes. I quite Like Radio 3 - a bit of classical loveliness, often educational. I have to be careful about Radio 4 because it often enrages me, but sometimes, if you’re careful, you happen upon hidden gems, and they are, of course, home to ‘The Archers.’ The problem is, that I am becoming increasingly disillusioned by the BBC, but I don’t like listening (or watching) commercial stations because of the constant advertising interruptions. What I need to do is sort through my CD collection and line up non-stop George Ezra, Caro Emerald, classical compilations etc etc to have as background noise when I am writing. I’ll pop it on the ‘To Do’ list. 

I’m rather worried about a woodpecker that has been visiting the bird feeding station. It appears to have become fixated with scoffing back as many fat balls as it can, to the exclusion of all other birdy visitors. Sometimes the tit (blue and great) babies gather en masse and dangle from the fat ball feeder 9 or 10 at a time, so Woodpecker can’t get a look in, but if Woodpecker gets there first, he clings on in an ‘It’s all MINE!’ fashion, stuffing his little woodpecker face and growing more rotund by the day. I fear I’m going to find him on the path one day, feet in the air, wings akimbo, victim of excess gluttony, his innards clogged up with enough fat to give a pate fois grasse goose a run for its money.

Do I remove the fat balls and replace them with a nice selection of salad leaves, maybe? Some chopped apple and rice cakes? I don’t want to enrage Woodpecker. I don’t want to find him clinging to the back door, demanding I reinstate the fat balls, in the style of a Georgian Prince Regent banging his dining table until ample German sausages are brought forthwith. But sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. Perhaps I shall continue observing his feeding habits and make my move on the health kick front when I see him struggling to get off the ground. 

(As an aside, I recently tried to construct a bird related word search puzzle to go into the newsletter we send out to service users of the care farm where I work. The website tool I used informed me that ‘woodpecker’ was a banned word. Huh? Reader, I made my own grid in order that ‘woodpecker’ could be included...)

And this arrived in the post last week! A lovely random snazzy surprise from my daughter...
It’s a mister for misting plants. And not a mister, being the opposite of a missus. She thought it would look adorable in our new snazzy greenhouse, and she is quite right. Oddly, I’ve been thinking of buying a mister, because I think the art of misting would benefit some of my houseplants, so her gift was timely and spot on. And I haven’t ONCE puffed it at the cats to see their reaction. (She lied.)

What DID startle the cats, especially Flora, was the arrival of this, a gift from a friend (don’t ask...)....

Press its wing and it dances around to the tune of ‘The Camptown Races’. Like I said - don’t ask...

Comments

aileen g said…
Waddyamean football's back - did it ever go away? It seemed that every time I put the tv on over the last few weeks that one channel or other would be showing football. OK it was matches from yesteryears but it still seemed to be the only thing shown late on a Saturday night. I'm not a radio listener and rarely have music on in the background. I do love music but tend to want to "actively" listen (if you know what I mean). That is something that is often on tv late at night - various programmes about groups or musical genres - which is perfect for a night owl like me. The other week I watched a programme about the Grand Ol' Opry and when I went to bed the sky was quite light and I realised it was nearly 4 a.m. I would love to see the baby tits hanging off the feeder. The only place I can site a feeder means to pigeons can get to it and they empty the thing in minutes. I did buy a fancy "feeding station" on a pole but it went over in the wind and the pole snapped. I'm glad you haven't misted the cats (she said - going along with the fabrication). One of my old cats used to love the hosepipe and would try to catch the water, and another one used to lay on the hose so I couldn't drag it round easily. Right, need some motivation to get up and do something but another cuppa first I think. Have a good week Denise.
rusty duck said…
The woodpeckers wouldn't get a look in here. If I put out fat balls the squirrels would walk off with a whole one under each arm.
We have a three legged/armed squirrel at the moment. I might even stand a fair chance of catching it. But I feel sorry for it. So I don't. Especially as Himself has been clearing out his shed and has found the old Storm Trooper style water pistol. AND put a new battery in it..
Denise said…
Aileen, you are quite right about the football, of course, but I think what we fail to understand, is that everyone is getting excited about ‘new’ football, and what THEY fail to understand is that once you’ve seen one match, you’ve seen them all. I just don’t get the whole football thing. Quite turns my blood cold, especially if a programme I want to watch is inconvenienced by a match overrunning. Gosh, that makes me properly angry. Even more so if it is Gardeners’ World. I admire your ability to watch late night TV - anything past 10 p.m is useless to me, but then I am a lark. And we have two fat pigeons in the garden, but they are too fat to get anywhere near being able to reach the heady heights of the bird feeders! I reckon they’ve been snaffling the hen food. I hope you found something marvellous to do. And have a lovely week, too! Mine is planning out fine so far.

Jessica - I wonder what happened to that poor squirrel to render it tripod? Oh, and there’s a unique drawing heading your way of fat ball stealing squirrels!
Heather Gott said…
I always thought it was called Countdown Taces... *facepalm*
Denise said…
Darling Daughter, there are many things over the years whose stick you have grabbed the wrong of. It entertains me enormously! xx

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