I like cats. I like plants. Unfortunately, cats + plants = mess + destruction x my patience going ‘BANG!’ This is because cats like chewing on plants. I don’t know why, given they are carnivorous, and I suspect if I dished up a side order of broccoli with the dinner of Miss Flora Bijou Mybug and Master Bambino Bobble Wilson they would upturn their little kitty noses in disgust.
Also, there are many plants that are poisonous to cats, for example, lilies. I once had a tuxedo cat called Lily. Oh, the irony. Anyway, you’d think this poison plant thing would be another reason for cats to keep their teeth to themselves, but will they listen? Oh no, they won’t. They’d rather dice with Death By Poison and risk a visit to their veterinary (a.k.a Andy) to have their stomachs pumped with something in order to purge them of their stupidity. So in order to introduce houseplants to a cat-occupied household, one must do one’s research into appropriate i.e non-toxic plants. Which is what I did, because I am DETERMINED to have plants in the house. They are good for the air and good for people. I am a people, I use air on a regular basis. Ergo, I need plants. The cats are just going to have to get over it.
Most cat-friendly plants are green. By which I mean they don’t produce flowers because I’ve just thought that pretty much ALL plants are green (chlorophyll, photosynthesis and all that malarkey...doh!) and it was a dippy thing to say. I like green plants. I’m not fussed about flowers because at some point the flowers will die and drop off leaving the plant looking a bit manky, whereas your foliage plant (let’s call them that, shall we? Foliage plants?) looks pretty good all year around.
Now, I’ve had plants in the house before and I think my problem was that I didn’t have enough plants at any given time. A single plant will cause much interest in a cat’s brain and they will target it mercilessly. They will worry it and pester it, be drawn to it like a stupid moth to a stupid clichéd flame. Bite, poke, prod, batter - oh my days, it never stops, or at least not until the once glorious plant is reduced to a pathetic former stump of itself. And if the pot is big enough the cat will add a final insult by perching on the edge of the pot and pooping in the desert wasteland of potting compost. It’s
tragic to watch, really it is. However - and here is my cunning plan - if you FLOOD your home with house plants, the cats will be OVERWHELMED by choice. And we all know what happens when a cat is overwhelmed, don’t we? Yes, they lose interest and wander off to do something useful that doesn’t require thinking about, like sleeping. Or eating. Or sleeping.
There’s my plan then - fill the house with plants! Overwhelm the cats!! I started this project about a month ago. So far I have 12 I think...plants, not cats...
Anyway, here are some of them...
In know the little rubber plant on the landing looks a bit daft at the moment, situated on the floor as it is, but it will grow into HUGE magnificence once it gets going and I've plied it with a few doses of Baby Bio. I'm polishing its leaves and everything.
And the only plant to have suffered so far is this one...
Why is it always the spider plant that gets it, eh? The cats enjoy sitting up in the window, especially at night when the curtains are closed. Sometimes, in the wee small hours, one can hear a little bit of 'munch, munch, munch' akin to someone enjoying a particularly fresh salad. I go, 'Oi!! Don't make me come over there,' and sometimes the munching stops and sometimes it doesn't. I am thinking of repotting this plant with immediate effect and double dosing it with plant food just to give it a chance to fight back. But hey! It's a spider plant and as such has great resilience. I fully expect this time next year for two cats to be overwhelmed by all its little spider plant babies!
Also, there are many plants that are poisonous to cats, for example, lilies. I once had a tuxedo cat called Lily. Oh, the irony. Anyway, you’d think this poison plant thing would be another reason for cats to keep their teeth to themselves, but will they listen? Oh no, they won’t. They’d rather dice with Death By Poison and risk a visit to their veterinary (a.k.a Andy) to have their stomachs pumped with something in order to purge them of their stupidity. So in order to introduce houseplants to a cat-occupied household, one must do one’s research into appropriate i.e non-toxic plants. Which is what I did, because I am DETERMINED to have plants in the house. They are good for the air and good for people. I am a people, I use air on a regular basis. Ergo, I need plants. The cats are just going to have to get over it.
Most cat-friendly plants are green. By which I mean they don’t produce flowers because I’ve just thought that pretty much ALL plants are green (chlorophyll, photosynthesis and all that malarkey...doh!) and it was a dippy thing to say. I like green plants. I’m not fussed about flowers because at some point the flowers will die and drop off leaving the plant looking a bit manky, whereas your foliage plant (let’s call them that, shall we? Foliage plants?) looks pretty good all year around.
Now, I’ve had plants in the house before and I think my problem was that I didn’t have enough plants at any given time. A single plant will cause much interest in a cat’s brain and they will target it mercilessly. They will worry it and pester it, be drawn to it like a stupid moth to a stupid clichéd flame. Bite, poke, prod, batter - oh my days, it never stops, or at least not until the once glorious plant is reduced to a pathetic former stump of itself. And if the pot is big enough the cat will add a final insult by perching on the edge of the pot and pooping in the desert wasteland of potting compost. It’s
tragic to watch, really it is. However - and here is my cunning plan - if you FLOOD your home with house plants, the cats will be OVERWHELMED by choice. And we all know what happens when a cat is overwhelmed, don’t we? Yes, they lose interest and wander off to do something useful that doesn’t require thinking about, like sleeping. Or eating. Or sleeping.
There’s my plan then - fill the house with plants! Overwhelm the cats!! I started this project about a month ago. So far I have 12 I think...plants, not cats...
Anyway, here are some of them...
And the only plant to have suffered so far is this one...
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