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Beginning and Endings

This week, on Thursday, Camilla died and went on to the Great Hen Party in the Sky where, no doubt, Misses Bennet, Miggins, Slocombe, Pumphrey and Poo, and Primrose, Daisy and Nora were blowing up the balloons, hanging up the bunting, making cakes and cocktails and popping a CD of 'Greatest Dance Songs' in the player in anticipation of a right good welcome. I can see it now, can't you?

Camilla is the ginger hen on the right of the photo. She was almost 7 years old, which is pretty darn good for a hen. She laid many eggs and never gave us a moment of trouble, not even when she made the move with us from Kent to Shropshire and had an exciting pit-stop at a supermarket where Andy carried her and Primrose inside to buy some grapes. And no-one said a word! Well, it was a hot day and it would have been irresponsible of him to leave two hens alone in a boiling car, wouldn't it?

Anyway, Camilla was fine at the beginning of the week but a couple of days before she died, she started showing the signs of an old hen about to begin a journey, the one where the spirit departs the body and goes on to better things. She was wobbling around a bit, and spent most of her time nestled down inside the henhouse. We fed her grapes and pasta which she gamely ate between nodding to sleep and waking and nodding to sleep again. Nellie, the hen on the left, stood guard over her. Camilla was not to be alone during this time and I think that is rather lovely. I've seen this before with animals, this companion-keeping, this wing or paw holding, until it is time to let go. Sometimes I think animals are better at this journey-making than us humans. I was surprised it was Nellie who was her companion, because Nellie is rather mad in a highly strung sort of way. I thought Nancy (the grey hen in the middle) would have been there instead, because she is of the calm and unruffled type. But maybe when you are departing your body you need the springy encouragement of the slightly bonkers to provide you with the positive energy that tells you everything will be all right.

And when I came home from work on Thursday, Camilla was gone. Her body was sitting in exactly the same position it had been in that morning, but with the head tilted to one side. I picked her up and hugged her to me as I carried her down to the house to find a box to rest her in. She felt soft and peaceful. She was a good hen.

Ironically, Thursday was a day of celebrating an arrival. My son's birthday! Despite the 33 years that have passed between, I still remember the day he arrived as clearly as anything. Sunshine and daffodils. The dinner trolley travelling the opposite way to me as I entered the ward because he was born at tea-time and we arrived too late for any food. The nurse who brought me a ham sandwich and blackcurrant jelly, both of which I dislike but hey, when you've just given birth you'll eat anything. Looking at this little scrap of new life and thinking, 'He's mine.' And feeling the overwhelming sense of responsibility that comes with all that.

And the next day, Friday, was my granddaughter Kayeligh's 9th birthday, and I remember that day clearly, too. It's a big moment, becoming a gran for the first time.

33 years, 9 years, a single day. Time travels on, happy in the knowledge it will never die. Life, however, is different.Life is merely two dates and a gap in-between. The scary bit is you don't know how long the gap in-between will be. The only certain thing is that NOW, this moment, we are alive. As Eckhart Tolle, an inspirational spiritual teacher, says:

'Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.'

Make the most of it. Don't wait for the weekend, your next holiday, for love, for apologies or the settling of scores before you enjoy living your life. Don't hang around for opportunities, luck or fortune. These are the things you make for yourself...

I'm not quite sure how to conclude this post. I know that life can be dotted with piles, big and small, of anger, upset, disease, irritations, barriers - blimey, I've dealt with enough myself. And I don't want you to be muttering, 'Hark at her, pontificating about how people should live their lives.' How about this, then? We started with animal wisdom - let's finish with the same...




Comments

Athene said…
Thank you for a thoughtful post, Denise. Something I’ve learned over the past few years is to cherish the moment, whether it’s a blue sky, the sight of a cat sleeping peacefully, a song that I love or just a cup of tea and a good book. We’re all heading to the same destination, and it’s how you spend the journey that matters. Olly
17 March 2019 at 13:56
rusty duck said…
And on that note I shall abandon my plans to struggle with the upholstery this afternoon and instead go out into the garden. After all, the sun is shining. Sort of. And that's enough to celebrate in itself. RIP Camilla x
17 March 2019 at 14:25
Denise said…
True words, Olly, every one. As that poem goes: 'What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?'
24 March 2019 at 10:03
Denise said…
Sometimes you just have to know when to let things go in favour of other things. It's what gives you joy that counts.
24 March 2019 at 10:05
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