Oh, My Days!

 Busy week ahead for me. Three birthdays are imminent - my daughter, my mum and a friend - so I am knee deep in wrapping paper and organising the posting of two lots of cards and gifts in order to have them arrive in good time, given that the current vagaries of the Royal Mail delivery service means they could turn up on schedule or they could turn up sometime in May. You have to factor in these considerations these days. It's all a bit sad, really. Fortunately, because Heather lives half an hour up the road, I know her card and gift will turn up on her actual birthday. I am a reliable postal person. I have a check-up at the dentist. I should have had this check up three weeks ago, only the day before the appointment - after I had suffered the usual shower of text reminders that I had an appointment, do NOT forget your appointment etc etc blah, blah, blah - the surgery sent me a message saying they sadly had to cancel my appointment and could I reschedule, because the dentist was o...

  My car insurance is due at the end of this month. A couple of weeks ago, I received a renewal email from my current insurance company for the sum of £152 for the coming year. This was actually £4 cheaper than last year's premium which is a minor miracle in itself, what with rocketing prices of everything these days. However, the renewal notice implied that last year I paid £181 which makes this year's premium £29 cheaper than last year's except it isn't because they were wrong about last year's premium and I was right because I checked my records which are VERY thorough and accurate. I don't know from where they got the figure of £181. Out of a hat, I imagine.  Anyway, because I hold no loyalty to any specific insurance companies, because they don't show any loyalty to their customers in return, I immediately set about checking the comparison websites to see what premium I could achieve this year, which turned out to be a very satisfying £117 which is £35 ...

 Climbing the stairs carrying a mug of tea in one hand, a hot water bottle and an iPad in the other, with a cat on the stair in front of me and a dog on the stair behind me. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?? Nothing, as it happens. Sorry to disappoint, especially given my history of ‘on the stairs’ incidents.  It was the festival of Imbolc this weekend just gone. Half way point between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox which means lighter and brighter days are definitely on the way. I celebrated by opening all the house windows to allow a nice breeze to blow through all the rooms, and by taking the Shark Hydrovac for its maiden voyage. After a slow start - ‘Where’s the water? Why isn’t the water working?’ - the machine soon got going and I can award it a big tick and gold star. It’s very easy to use and I am pleased with its cleaning abilities. Bravo me for biting the bullet and making the purchase.  This weekend also saw me acting the role of ‘The Fairy Dogmother!’ A c...

 I am expecting the arrival of a shark this afternoon. Not one of these… Where would I put it for a start? We no longer have a bath and I’m pretty certain it wouldn’t be happy living in a walk-in shower. There is a fairly substantial collection of rainwater at the top of the garden at the moment but come Summer time the ground will be rock hard and dry and all that will be available for shark purposes will be a collection of seven water butts. And then it’ll have to do battle with all the mosquitoes therein, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone a shark. And all those teeth? Imagine the toothpaste it’d go through. Best not, I think. No, the shark of which I speak and await with eager anticipation is one of these… A Shark Hydrovac Hard Floor Cleaner! Oh yes! Goodbye, Mr Sloshy Mop ‘n’ Bucket. Fare thee well, Mrs Hands and Knees Scrubber. I have finally succumbed to the lure of the power cleaner for all my hard floor cleaning needs, which are great on account of the e...

  The journey home to Shropshire - because that is where my heart is at home now, not Kent - was smooth and uneventful. A slight hold up at the Dartford Tunnel, but that's par for the course these days; you just have to accept it and go with the stop-start flow. But that was all. We arrived home at 7.30 in the evening and dinner was provided by the boxes of left-over pub food which my cousin was keen we should take because he didn't want to be eating it himself for the next two weeks.  As we travelled, Lord Malarkey and I chatted, mostly about books and conspiracy theories. We ate biscuits and Werther's Originals, and we were blessed with calm and clear weather. In between our bursts of scintillating conversation, I sat thinking about family, because things like funerals make you mull over those kinds of topics. You begin to realise that family isn't a constant energy. It is a fluxing, abstract concept that is governed by inconsistency. Sometimes the changes are good. A...

  The weather continued wet and windy into Friday morning. My friend and I took our dogs, Nell and Barney, for an early morning walk and returned, all four of us, looking like drowned rats. But with no time to waste, we got changed and set off for the crematorium. I’ve not attended a funeral for a long time and I would rather this one was not happening. But it was and there was no question of me not being there for my wonderful Auntie Pollie. People began to arrive - familiar but older faces. Cousins, siblings, nieces, in-laws, friends. Heather had driven down from Staffordshire after work the previous day. It was good to have her there. We mingled together, chatted, swapped news. It stopped raining. The wind dropped. The sun strained to pierce through the blanket of clouds. I thought, Auntie Pollie must have had a word with the chaps upstairs. No bad weather raining on her final parade, thank you very much.  The hearse arrived, bearing coffin and flowers, and the tears began....